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 Zennor the Mimiga

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Hax4Ever
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PostSubject: Zennor the Mimiga   Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:10 pm

Zennor
(Side note: I will not keep this art style for characters due to it being tedious)
Name : Zennor

Race : Mimiga

Gender : Male

Age : 16

Personality : Calm, And sometimes Open Minded. Open minded means to be able to take in new ideas and suggestions. There is occasions where he gets aggrivated and can do more harm than an enraged Mimiga, This occurance is rare and doesnt usually last long.

Weapons : (Okay so I used a Dagger, not a sword?)

Dagger- Emanates with a purple trail, gets stronger gradually from triangles.

Slingshot- Very small, does a large amount of damage but with limited ammo.

Description : Zennor is a Mimiga that practices in swordsmanship.
He practices on training dummies of all shapes and sizes, due to him being ready for almost any battle. He is very dodgy making him hard to hit with ranged weapons, but he needs to eat blue flowers very often to give him stamina to do things. His favorate hobby is knowing that he has nothing to worry about. His visible appearance looks much like a generic Mimiga that you would find in the plantation, He was a green "Shirt" with a satchel on his back, He also carries a dagger carrying case at his side.

Personal Backstory: (This is gonna be LONG)
He was born and raised in the southeastern parts of the plantation. He practiced his swordsmanship on the orangebells and bats that like to ruin everybody's day. He travels around the island and maps out areas in hope to complete a new and improved virtual map. One day he came home only to see that his loved ones had been crushed by a earthquake. He began to cry, he walked out and made his way to the Mimiga Village, There he lived and began to leave his past behind him. After time the nearby Mimiga asked if they could learn a few tricks from him, and he gladly accepted. After 6 years of teaching his neighbors he became well known in the lower parts of Mimiga Village.
Other:
He takes not wearing pants honorably


GPS :quote: :HeartTri:                           :curly: :sue: :balg:


Last edited by Hax4Ever on Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:57 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Not accepted, Ill fix it up)
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Rabbot32
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Location : Igniting the fire that shall rebirth this fourm

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Race: Mimiga

PostSubject: Re: Zennor the Mimiga   Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:44 pm

Name: Good name, not generic.
Race: We need a few more Mimiga, so.
Gender: No comment.
Age: Kinda young for a warrior.
Personality: This is a bit short. I'd recommend expanding it just a touch. Explain what 'sometimes open minded' means.
Weaponry: Seems fine enough, I'm not sure about the rules regarding the triangles. Will have to ask the boss.
Description: This is the big one. Please describe his clothing. The 'impossible to hit' is a touch overpowered. Tone it back, and put that into strengths and weaknesses.
Backstory: His parents died, so he just accepts death? What? Sounds kinda Mary-Sueish. Needs a rewording to be accepted.

Overall, I think it's decent enough to be accepted, it's a little rocky though. The thing that kills it is the 'impossible to hit' and the lack of a strengths and weakness section. Add that and I'll review again. Good try though!
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Rabbot32
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Location : Igniting the fire that shall rebirth this fourm

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Race: Mimiga

PostSubject: Re: Zennor the Mimiga   Sun Dec 21, 2014 2:10 pm

Second draft;
Name: Same as first go.
Race: Same as first go.
Gender: Same as first go.
Age: Still kinda young, but that's not that important.
Personality: Much better. The 'more damage than an enraged Mimiga' is questionable, but understandable. He IS a trained swordsman after all.
Weaponry: Seems fine enough, I'm not sure about the rules regarding the triangles. Will have to ask the boss.
Description: Much better. Sounds like a farmer with a knife, just as he should be.
Backstory: His parents are dead, but he has moved on. I'd give bonus points but that was a correction you made after being told to, so.

This is much better. My final review is that while it seems a touch oddly worded (to me) it's very acceptable.
What does that mean?


ACCEPTED!

On my end. The admins will have to go over it, but I'd back him.
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